It was grim news.

But Hillbilly Nation (I’m VP) takes these developments in stride.

The grease monkey world collectively looked at beer stocks and made the only rational decision; we needed to keep drinking through Sunday night into Monday afternoon, when the Daytona 500 was now scheduled to start.

Then came news that the race had, because of precipitation, been pushed back to a Monday 7pm ET start.

The grease monkey world collectively looked at beer stocks and made the only rational decision; we needed to keep drinking through Monday morning into Monday night, when the Daytona 500 was now scheduled to start.

We, as one bleary nation under the Three Car, seriously hope there are no further delays.

***

I thought it was nice that someone bought my dog a beautiful multi-coloured coat.

I started calling him Joseph, with a laugh.

As he came closer I realized that wasn’t a throw-rug I had been carefully using to collect my vomit last night.

***

No, I said to the Superintendant, I don’t know why I threw my couch off the balcony at 4am this morning.

But I’m sure I had a reason…a damn good reason…(finger wagging all up in his business)…

…and can I get my couch back…

***

I have never eaten raw hamburger before. I have no idea what caused me to start. I have no idea why I would have waited for that particular delicacy as a breakfast treat. I have no idea what it will do to my body. But, hell, it did taste real good!

***

Trade deadline day…the Toronto Maple Leafs have made a big move…Keith Auilie for who? Ashton Kutcher?

Brilliant move.

Kutcher will take pressure off the “deer in the headlights” Buds. He will teach them how to operate smoothly around the beauties that surround the ACC. He might even introduce them to Demi Moore…wait, I think she’s still alive…though, wait, yeah, I think they did break up…

Kutcher has a bazillion followers on Twitter…adding him to the roster makes perfect sense to anyone with a puke covered dog and a fort of beer empties…Go Leafs Go…

***

…I never know why I pass out in laundry rooms after a good 48 hour session. I think I go downstairs looking for the comfort of a nice warm dryer. While trying to squeeze my way inside, I inevitably pass out.

Another bad confrontation with the Superintendant…

***

When will this race start?

***

Oh, another thing…even if those cold warehouse-like Beer stores seem vacant and rough, don’t try to sneak a pee behind the stacks of Laker…

People are so uppity and pretentious these days…I am more than capable of zipping up after I have left the premises, thanks very much…

***

Female bus drivers can be very uptight…they don’t find a happy, fun guy trying to sit in their lap while they navigate rush hour traffic very amusing…they’re so dull, right?

The stupid cops deliver me to my…Superintendant. He doesn’t seem to care for me much anymore.

I go to my apartment and throw my couch back off the balcony…

The first thing that hits you like a punch in the mouth is the fact this store charges admission. Uh huh, you pay five bucks to enter the store! I’m sure many people turn around at that point. I also noticed that the big parking lot was empty, and this was a Saturday afternoon.

Inside one is greeted by a massive collection of comics, an enormous selection of collectibles and, also, tons of UFC and old wrestling stuff.

A couple of highlights for me were the pair of gorgeous motorcycles, one decked out as Captain America’s (including shield) and another decorated as a raw, ghoulish Spiderman accessory.

There were lemurs dancing around the back and we headed into the corners to see the alligator. The set-up is very poor and one can access only one side of the enclosure. All we could see was a tail. Underneath, and you have to bend down to knee level, is a snake. Again, the awkwardness of the set-up was a real detriment.

A perusal of the entire store, both levels, introduced the real drawback to the store.

The prices are outrageous. Everything is overpriced, some items ridiculously so. An old poster of Kim Basinger from the original Batman movie, something I would expect to find for a couple of bucks at a garage sale, was priced at a whopping seventy dollars! Action figures from the ancient Babylon 5 series were twenty bucks (I’d have given a couple of nickels!). I found what appeared to be a relatively nondescript statue of Batman for over 900 dollars. I could tell others who wandered in, and there weren’t many, had the same glazed look as they checked out the prices.

A comic book store has to be fun with many items offered cheaply. Everybody wants to buy something, but “Heroes” makes this impossible. I have a collection of a few statues…(uh, ones I bought for a friend, really, who never, like, picked them up) and they are gorgeous and all were picked up for under 15 dollars. A comic book store should never be oppressive. After all, it’s a trip back to your youth and an excursion of fun.

Heroes was oppressive, with way too many staff watching you on the floor and all those big bold signs telling you not to read the books and leave your knapsack at the counter.

It’s like a creation of a child, someone with no retail experience. I’ll put in a monkey and an alligator and people will flock to my location. Uh, no, “duh”, people go to a comic book store for comics and the collection here was dismal. I couldn’t find any of the new 52 books in important titles like Batman or Detective comics.

When I left I stood outside with my brother for a good twenty minutes and we were just riffing on the WTF was that theme? It was just crazy, we left empty handed and would never want to go back. They got my five bucks but they sure didn’t get a customer…

TURN LEFT…Kevin Harvick and Kyle Busch are the current favourites for this Sundays Daytona 500. Both are on offer at 10 to 1 in what is traditionally a wide open affair. Last year Trevor Bayne took first place while gifting punters with a reasonable 100 to 1 payoff…

PONIES…yesterdays San Vincent Stakes from Santa Anita featured a huge upset as heavy favoured Creative Cause, third in last years Breeders Cup Juvenile behind Hansen and Union Rags, sputtered home third. The heavily hyped runner had been pounded to 1-2 in a small four horse field. The race was only seven furlongs so it’s highly likely Creative Cause was not “set down”, and it’s still a long ways to Kentucky. But with Hansen proving so ineffective in his debut, and now this disappointment, one can’t help but wonder how Derby favourite Union Rags will fare as he gets his season underway in the Fountain of Youth Stakes this weekend. Rags has already lost his jockey with Javier Castellano opting for Todd Pletcher’s novice Algorithms instead…

…last years Kentucky Derby winner Animal Kingdom was visually impressive winning an allowance race at Gulfstream on Saturday. The colt now takes an epic step up in class with aspirations of annexing the Dubai World Cup on March 31^st…

PUG LIFE…so, let’s sum up Derek Chisora’s incredible journey en route to disgrace and ignominy;

1) beat your woman, get convicted of domestic abuse, bite an opponent in the ring 2) seldom train for fights, then raise a hue for not getting beaten too badly by some other fat bastard and parlay that into a title shot 3) slap the champ at a press conference 4) spit on the other champ while in the ring in Germany 5) fight, as Ginner laughably terms it, like “Homer Simpson”, plodding forward with little strategy, throwing wild punches that allowed Klitschko to sip coffee while awaiting their arrival 6) show no class after the fight when you are justifiably deemed to have come up short 7) start a brawl with another no-hoper at the post fight press conference, tactics made all the more alarming by your insistence you will “shoot” David Haye.

Okay, here’s the sad part; in boxing these tactics actually work and ensure one’s ability to get lucrative fights in the future. I’d rather never read or hear about Chisora ever again. But all the notoriety virtually guarantees him a series of fights against the likes of Haye, Fury and, in what could be England’s lowest heavyweight moment, maybe a big scrap with Audley Harrison.

Notoriety is gold in boxing. Unfortunately the crude and barbaric Chisora will be on our radar for years to come…

I’m often in the area as I use the Northern District library.

Bur nothing prepared me for what I saw last week.

Pushed up against the hoarding, his face red with determination, was the Web Master.

What the hell, I thought.

The Web Master was grim and focused.

He whispered to me, “They will come from the North, they will come from the North…”

I was beside myself with fear for my dear friend, so I decided to make some calls…

***

I reached Billy the Kid.

Look, man, I said, I need help with an old friend who appears demented.

Billy the Kid screamed, we cannot let Westeros fall! Tell your friend to hold fast!

Huh?

***

I called Lex Luthor, increasingly disturbed by the behavior gripping my mates.

Look, Lex, I said, something is going on here.

Lex said, I can’t talk; I’m on my balcony looking for dragons.

The dragons, he chortled, will be here soon, and all will fear Daenerys…

WTF?

***

When things become insane one is led, inevitably, to Ginner.

My friends, I said to the completely insane and viciously disturbed Englishman, are acting “out of sorts”, something is going on.

Get them to King’s Landing, he yelled. There is hope, he cried, if we all act together…

Holy shit, I thought.

***

The Game of Thrones, HBO’s series referencing the work of George R R Martin, is easily the best TV show of the last decade. Set in the fictional land of Westeros, the series captures the intense battles among seven families competing to control The Throne.

I know no one who has watched one episode that was unable to subsequently watch all ten.

It is ferocious TV, brilliantly acted and written, gripping and pulsating with fear and drama. Everyone in my social circle is on pins and needles, awaiting the start of Year 2. The first season will be released on Blue Ray March 6^th and there is simply no way one can go wrong laying out some coin for the magnificent work.

***

Pepper, cried the Web Master, over the phone, is the key to a meal of a horse’s heart.

Okay, I grumbled.

Beware, he cried, the North. Beware…

Beware your crazy ass, I thought, hanging up the phone…

…director Kevin Smith operates Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, a comic book store in New Jersey. The antics of Smith and staff have been turned into a reality show entitled “Comic Book Men”…the first show was fairly entertaining with the best bits being the scenes led by the sharp witted and insightful Smith…early criticism of the show includes the rejoinder that it doesn’t appeal to women. Really? A show about men obsessed with comic books that doesn’t grab the attention of the fair sex? Who would have anticipated that?…

WHITNEY…I’ve been surprised by the level of hypocrisy exhibited by the American media in their coverage of Houston’s death.

Anderson Cooper listed as “breaking news” the revelation that Whitney was drinking the day she died. Seriously.

The woman had taken on the look of a crackhead; she had the mannerisms of what the boys in blue refer to as a “skel”, a walking skeleton.

But we’re all supposed to pretend the death was some bizarre accident.

Whitney loved her crack, her coke, her booze. It changed her appearance and personality. She was a committed addict. Also, according to Susan G Cole, Senior Editor of NOW Magazine, she led an openly gay lifestyle. Why does the media shy away from relaying the facts? It’s a shame that they can’t love and embrace the woman for what she was, instead of clinging to the manufactured image that never, never, represented reality.

And doesn’t it make you wonder, if they can’t publish the truth in a relatively straightforward story of a pop star, what are they not telling us about the power brokers and politicians in our society?…(yep, I’ve been listening to too much Coast To Coast)…

THE COURT…despite last night’s Knicks loss, I do hope someone does get around to recording, as Bill Simmons suggests, “You Are The Lin Beneath My Wings”, in tribute to Taiwan-American sensation Jeremy Lin…

…the improbable run of Lin, like the wholly impossible run of Timothy Tebow before him, is garnished with the athlete’s fulsome praise and thanks to Jesus Christ. Hey, has God decided to get involved in sports? After decades of watching athletics has the deity finally just said, fuck it, the guys who praise me the most are gonna get all the breaks…

PONIES….oops, she did it again…Black Caviar roared to her 19^th straight win today in Australia. Reports from “down under” postulate that the mare, at one point, ran an internal furlong in under 10 seconds, a truly stunning achievement.

And now the show goes on the road. Black Caviar may never race in Australia again as her connections will target lucrative affairs in either Dubai (where she would have to run on plastic - not a good idea) and England, with Royal Ascot in July looming as a meaningful target.

The mare is often referred to as “high maintenance”, so it will be interesting to see how she responds to travel. There is no word on any possible appearance in North America…

PUG LIFE…Derek Chisora, once dusted by ponderous Tyson Fury, and coming in off a loss, challenges Vitali Klitschko for the Heavyweight title today. The fight received some much needed publicity when Chisora slapped Vitali across the face at yesterdays weigh-in. The act received widespread condemnation and will result in a hefty fine. It also, it is sagely noted, put the nondescript bout on the front of sport pages across Europe…

…the rose is off the bloom for Jeff Carter. The talented centre was a destructive influence in Philadelphia and promptly moved out when Claude Giroux began to emerge as a star. The hellacious contract he signed with Columbus is a millstone, a death stroke, a ten year marriage to a grimy malcontent. Fans must be terrified, as we approach the trade deadline, that the Blue Jackets will somehow seek to package Carter with the prized Rick Nash, making the addition of the jerk a condition of the acquisition of the star.

Carter’s insufferable attitude in Columbus is distressing.

The tale told around the campfire whispers that the Flyers were concerned last season with the excessive drinking of the team. The solution was a heartfelt appeal to the players that they, as a group, refrain from alcohol for a period of time. The players were asked to make a collective gesture and it appears the bulk of the Flyers felt it was a necessary adjustment. Everyone but Mike Richards and Carter, two of the team’s purported leaders.

Not only did they refuse, they mocked management and the complying players. In the off season, both were dispatched.

Richard toils away as the understudy to Anze Kopitar on a remarkably talented Los Angeles King squad, while Carter goes to Columbus and begins the process again of alienating teammates and the boss.

And, he does this after being rewarded with a massive, lucrative, ten year deal.

Carter is the poison of Trade Deadline Day, the venomous bitch that must be avoided at all costs. Oft injured, a sulky narcissist, he will be the Blue Jackets poison pill, the Judas they will be desperate to off-load…just say no, Mr. Burke…

…Bob McCowan’s show was redolent with revelations tonight, most noticeably the reveal that Leaf coach Ron Wilson “can’t stand” young defenseman Luke Schenn. The Buds, the feeling goes, are going to rid themselves of Schenn, by hook or by crook, by deadline day…

RANDOM…t-shirt slogan available on Bourbon Street, in New Orleans; I SOMETIMES WONDER, “WHY IS THAT FRISBEE GETTING BIGGER?” THEN IT HITS ME…

PUG LIFE…Canadian light heavyweight Jean Pascal received allot of attention for losing his car in a Superbowl bet. A more important issue may be his inactivity. Pascal was last in the ring in May 2011, when he was soundly whipped by ancient Bernard Hopkins. The fighter has just turned down a WBC mandated fight, one that would have lead to a title shot, and he seems adrift…Pascal is not an “athletic” type who can coast through his career. He needs to remain active. His indecision and lack of initiative against Hopkins was worrisome, and the solution was to build up his confidence with a steady stream of beatable foes. His connections have done the exact opposite…

PONIES…the magnificent Black Caviar returns to the races after a mere one week rest tonight in the Lightning Stakes at Flemington in Australia. The unbeaten mare is turning back from seven furlongs to five and, unbelievably, may be vulnerable on this type of short notice. She is currently at 1-10 and offers no value. Why not take a shot against her? I don’t like this kind of ragged schedule for an animal of her stature. It is decidedly low brow and may lead to a shocking result…

…Kentucky Derby prospect Empire Way is a full brother to last year’s filly sensation Royal Delta. The son of Belmont Stakes winner Empire Way should become a force on the West Coast as the preps begin to increase in distance…

PUG LIFE…does anyone on this side of the ocean realize that Vitali Klitschko is fighting on Saturday night? He’s fighting, I think, an obese British pub owner but, nonetheless, the man who deserves to be recognized as the finest heavyweight of his generation is plying his trade and in North America there is utter indifference.

On April 1^st, 2000, Vitali was comfortably ahead of Chris Byrd when he suddenly quit. A torn rotator cuff was the culprit but a disbelieving American audience has likely never forgiven Vitali for walking out of a fight he would have won comfortably, even if only employing one hand.

On June 21^st, 2003, Vitali was accepted as a late substitute and fought Lennox Lewis for the title. It’s the last great heavyweight fight, with Vitali showing appalling guts and initiative while taking Lennox to the brink. The fight was stopped after six rounds with Vitali sporting what is generally regarded as the worst cut in title history. Shamefully, the overrated Lewis never gave Vitali a rematch, a terrible breach of Championship etiquette.

Vitali is unbeaten in the years since the Lewis fight. The stigma of the Byrd fight should have been long since removed. He has divided the meager scraps of the division with his younger brother, Vladimir, and never received the kind of challenger that would let him build his case for greatness.

Questions surround the Klitschko’s. How extensive was/is their steroid use? How good were they? Why did they not actively attempt to penetrate the American market? Are they responsible for the decline of the division? Have they been good or bad for boxing? Why have Americans not warmed to the story of two brothers ruling the division? Will they ever fight each other?

I’ll make an effort to watch Saturdays fight, if only to pay tribute to a past, my past, where a Heavyweight title fight was an event never to be missed…

TURN LEFT…the upcoming NASCAR season is sure to be a classic. The staggering American economy has lead to a cull and the remaining cars promise to be ultra-competitive and cutthroat (I hope Danica knows what is in store). Jimmie Johnson, at 4-1, is the favourite to regain the title ripped from his paws last year by Tony Stewart (8-1). Carl Edwards, the narrowest of runner-ups last year, is the clear second choice at 6-1. I’d look deeper on the page, down to the formidable Kasey Kahne, at 10-1. The “lights-out” driver has moved to Hendricks and, unlike Junior, figures to take his role and responsibilities seriously. I expect a massive turnaround in his fortunes as Kahne is finally given an opportunity to flaunt his talent…

ICE…guess who’s back? Or did they ever leave…The new favourite for the Stanley Cup is none other than your Detroit Red Wings, at a skimpy +375. Also taking money are the Bruins and Rangers, both at +455, and the Vancouver Canucks at +475. Any other team can be purchased at a square price as odds makers increasingly view the top four as certain to produce this years Cup winner…Chicago, mired in a terrible slump, has drifted to a surprising 32 to 1…every wiseguy seems to have a few bucks stuffed on the New Jersey Devils, a clear overlay at 24 to 1…

No, you can go to hell.

I turn off his music when it comes on the radio and certainly did not want to be subjected to his smarmy personality on a night of supposed celebration.

When, exactly, was he forgiven? When did all the insufferable pop stars, sanctimonious and opinionated, suddenly denounce any continued sanctions against the common thug?

Can we agree he is clearly devoid of talent?

I wouldn’t let someone who beat woman in my social circle. Why should I have to watch the brassy little prick on TV?…

…Bruce Springsteen opened the show with We Help Our Own and, in just about every way, I thought it was the highlight of the night. The band has suffered a terrible loss with the death of Clarence “The Big Man” Clemons but they did not reach for the maudlin, instead playing a good, hard rocking tune while in fine form.

It’s as if the Boss understood that all observers would be thinking about, and mourning, Clemons, and there was really no need for any kind of display.

Good.

I found the performance all the more poignant for its understated dignity.

The Boss is back and his summer tour should be a memorable one…

…Bruno Mars was also thoroughly enjoyable. His moment in the spotlight was energetic and fun. He was…entertaining…which is allot more than can be said for the bulk of the Grammy performers…

…Adele stole the show with six awards and, really, who can begrudge such bounty to one who is genuinely talented and a genuine character…

…nope, I don’t need to ever see as much of the Foo Fighters as I did on Sunday night. An above average bar band, the Fighters were spotlighted and their material failed to endear on every occasion.

Prince did a cover of their “The Best of You” during his Superbowl performance and he owned the song. He seemed to understand the material, and the really great song that lurked, hidden by Dave Grohl sludge, underneath. I always thought that should have been a message to the band to try a little harder, polish the turd with a bit more luster, but they seem to trudge along with the same old tired act. I’d see them at a Frat party, but can’t imagine paying to see them at the ACC…

…Jennifer Hudson did a poor job with a sensationally bad song, I Will Always Love You. And for a moment or two I actually missed the late Whitney Houston…

…we are all, yes, all of us, getting tired of the Taylor Swift, OMG, they really love me face. That is one little girl that needs to grow up and get on with it. Stop writing about people you dated for a week, stop pouting and start learning how to sing…

…who was the old woman that kept getting up and butchering Beatle songs?…

…the country music parts of the show are perfect. I mean we all need to get up and use the facilities at some point, right? The nation’s toilets inevitably flush three minutes into any Lady Antebellum, or whoever, performance…country music, here for you when you need to crap…

…Nicki Minaj, doing a desperate imitation of Lady GaGa, missed the mark though the song she performed, “Roman Holiday”, seems like a brilliant tune. Meshing it with an exorcism was bizarre and pointless.

Aren’t the punk ass kids into vampires and werewolves these days?

Is Nicki spending too much time with old William Friedkin films? C’mon honey, even I know it’s sometime after 2006…