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I pushed my boundaries and attempted something terrifying this week. We’re supposed to, right? Face our fears? So we keep growing as people? Yeah, I thought it was time to confront one of my all-time terrors and meet it with a stout heart and resolute courage. It was time, brothers and sisters, to face the demon.

So I did it, I watched Oprah.

No, it wasn’t easy and at times I wanted to run from the room. At times I sobbed, at others I felt thick vomit rising in my throat. My fists clenched in rage, then went slack with resignation.

I have seen the enemy…and, wow, she really is a helluva good interviewer. While Oprah is every bit as intellectually stunted as I suspected (takes one to know one, I know) she seemed kinda harmless. I had really believed my mates when they told me she chopped off a man’s party bits at the conclusion of every show but, unless we receive an edited version in Canada, it did not happen.

No, it was just women sitting around doing what they seem to enjoy most…complaining about men. Snore fest and silly, really, but then I enjoy sitting around talking endlessly about sports, and have tons of support through media and friends for that fairly pointless activity.

Wait, not that I liked the show. To the contrary, I would never watch it again. The episode I viewed was about men in the finance field who were secretly swindling clients in order to maintain enormous wealth. The women, of course, enjoyed the bling and weren’t bothered in the least until…the money disappeared and the men went to jail. Then they were ripped out of their, uhhh, safe harbour, and forced to discover their inner, uhh, warrior, or inner shaman, or inner princess or inner vagina, or whatever. The bullshit spouted was endless and inane.

It was also completely self serving. And obtuse. And clichéd and trite. And of utterly no value. Which means intelligent people have always seen through Oprah. If I’d watched I’d have been aware of that fact a long time ago.

I have faced the evil and found it…incapable of correctly interpreting a Maya Angelou poem? Didn’t see that coming. Good bye fear, good bye Oprah…