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We were regaled by the tales of The Beat Poet last night with, however, one story in particular grabbing my attention. The Poet recalled a big strong lad who, when challenged to a physical altercation, promptly defecated in his pants. Hmmmm, it appears the strategy was noxious and disturbing enough to cause a cessation of all violent intents. Just saying, y’know, a life strategy to put in your tool box…

ICE…it appears the NHL Head Office has been stricken with some serious in-fighting and, for once, the tiny, perfect emperor is in the right. Commish Gary Bettman wanted a suspension of Matt Cooke after his assault on Marc Savard but NHL Senior Vice President Colin Campbell convinced him it could not be justified under the current rules. The gaffe on Campbell’s part, really an act of egregious stupidity, appears likely to cost him his job. William Houston has completed some great work on the subject, remarking Campbell’s tenure “has been so inept as to be an embarrassment to the League…” Houston views the buddy-buddy nature of the Canadian media as culpable for letting such an obvious bungler continue in such an important position. Under Campbell head shots have flourished with players fully aware of the light sentences, if any at all, passed on by the NHL disciplinarian…the Kontinental Hockey League (KHL) is averaging only 5,474 sold tickets per game. Eleven of the Leagues 24 franchises sell fewer than 5,000 tickets a game.  Despite the deep pockets of Russian owners, the KHL continues to rank behind the Swedish, Swiss and German leagues in terms of attendance…

GRID IRON…have you ever seen a team as panicked as the Pittsburgh Steelers over the current Ben Roethlisberger situation? The Steelers have always upheld a positive, blue collar image in their enthralled community. But it appears that Big Ben has been a major headache for years with the motorcycle accident and sexual assault issues only the tip of the iceberg. The team is also struggling to keep rumours of teammate’s enmity towards the QB under wraps. Roethlisberger is a fantastic athlete, easily one of the top five QB’s in the business. His inability to handle himself in an appropriate manner off the field has become a major issue and could result in a significant suspension, if not criminal charges… did Roethlisberger bodyguards block the washroom doors while Ben assaulted a woman? Did the first detective on site pose for pictures with Roethlisberger? These are just some of the, uhh, mild rumours swirling around the net. There are plenty that are ugly and speak to an incredible sense of self entitlement. The Steelers guard their reputation jealously and it is going to be fascinating to see how they handle this major PR disaster…

 PUG LIFE…Vladimir Klitschko, while reiterating his stance that he would never fight his brother Vitali, did reveal the brothers had occasionally sparred. He said the sessions were “brutal”, with the siblings intensely competitive and unwilling to back down…Erik Morales makes an ill advised return to the square circle this coming Saturday night. This, clearly, is a Justin TV moment, not something you want to shell out your hard earned cash for. Morales was a mess before his retirement, getting destroyed by Manny Pacquiao and thoroughly beaten by Zahir Raheem (currently residing in the “where are they now” files). The ferocious Mexican has a ton of mileage on those rugged fists and is not expected to seriously contend with the elite fighters again…

MEDIA…Boy George advises he is planning to revive the Culture Club in order to celebrate the bands 30^thanniversary in 2011. At frat parties in the eighties the crushing beats of Miss Me Blind damaged the skeletal structure of countless hammered boys and girls. The stylish band disappeared far too soon, a victim of infighting and chronic drug abuse. It gives one pause to think how other cultural icons of the time managed to keep their heads together and continue to produce music. A Prince, a Madonna, a Springsteen, all deserve accolades for not allowing fame to devour them. Boy George belongs to the Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston school of fame, artists obliterated by the demands of modern stardom. George, get on the dress and the pork pie hat and get back in the ring. We’ve mised you blind…George served four months in jail in 2009 for imprisoning a male escort. We all need a comeback sooner or later…a current Rolling Stone interview with Smashing Pumpkins front man Billy Corgan reveals a broken and moronic shell of a human. Corgan is anxious to produce a list of perceived illnesses, including chronic dehydration (?), lead poisoning, two other types of poisoning, allergies to alcoholism and, improbably, weak ankles. He is oh-so-eager to discuss his psychic abilities (tossing Pumpkin CD’s away now) and also catalogue a lengthy list of petty grievances and complaints against ex-band mates and partners. He is also aggrieved by the public’s lack of appreciation for his genius and “influence”.  And, oh yeah…he’s dating Jessica Simpson! Lord, what an insufferable prick. If an article is ever capable of burying the smouldering remains of a career, this is it…Lynn Crosby, divorced and I’m going to guess still single, unleashed a classic torrent of vitriol against married couples in her Tuesday Globe and Mail column. I found it convulsively funny but, honestly, I get on with the significant other of every single one of my friends. It’s true! Wait. I just had a thought - in my case it is likely the partner  who is suffering and moaning about yours truly. At times I can really live up to the Satan moniker applied to me by friend’s girlfriends back in the University days…