Saturday, March 6th, 2010...5:54 pm
We Speak of Rope Burns and Candle Wax…
GRID IRON…the Chicago Bears have reunited tight end Brandon Manumaleuna with Mike Martz. The 6-2, 295 lb tight end is the perfect fit for the Martz system as his ability to block and use that big body will free wide-outs and backs to flood passing lanes. No mistake, the heat is going to be on Jay Cutler this year; he has new toys and the addition of Chester Taylor, a running back who is also an exceptional blocker, further lays the groundwork for Martz’s offensive fireworks. In Chicago they are already counting the days to the seasons kick-off…Julius Peppers will be employed on the line in Chicago, in a 4-3 scheme. The Bears hope Peppers will limit their need to blitz, instead allowing them to generate massive pressure from their front four. Peppers may have opted for the Bears in order to stay on the line. Other teams had proposed a 3-4 scheme with Peppers employed as an outside linebacker. The rich bastard is also a lazy bastard and he essentially stays in a game plan where he is comfortable and proven…the Baltimore Ravens made a bold and exciting move with the pick-up of Anquan Boldin from the Arizona Cardinals. The Ravens, for the first time in, well, forever, have a fast, physical downfield target for Joe Flacco. This is potentially the biggest off-season move, dramatically addressing a very good team’s most important need…when asked why Nate Burleson was given a five year, 25 million dollar package, Detroit Lions management responded, “We have a long established tradition of behaving as tools and morons”. The Lions GM reportedly asked reporters after the press conference what position Burleson played…the Miami Dolphins are making a number of intelligent readjustments and are going to be a really good team in 2010. I love the decision to bring back Chad Pennington to mentor Chad Henne, and the addition of Karlos Dansby bolsters an already solid defensive unit…
PUG LIFE…Evander Holyfield has announced he will leave boxing only after he wins the undisputed heavyweight championship. The 47 year old will fight Frans Botha on April 10thin Las Vegas. Holyfield is guaranteed 150,000 dollars, a far cry from the multi-million dollar purses of the past. He dismissed the possibility of fighting Mike Tyson again because he said he is only interested in the belts. We’ll see, in due course, if Commander Vander declines a multi-million dollar purse should Iron Mike come calling. Holyfield has always been a Grade A hypocrite…Mike Tyson’s appearance on Oprah in 2009 was her highest rated show of the year. The American public is still fascinated the pugilist and his comeback would generate millions. No, he can’t fight much anymore, and he quit in his last fight, but a Tyson comeback would be all about selling the sizzle, not the rotting hamburger meat…I’ll tell you how you can gauge Don King’s appraisal of the situation. If he announces he’ll give Tyson a couple of tune-ups, then he believes Tyson might still be able to fight a bit. But if he goes for the one shot comeback, against Holyfield, then it will demonstrate he knows it is a con, and the opportunity to fleece the public exists only once…in the latter stages of Tyson’s career the famous Australian fighter Jeff Fenech was brought in to train him. Tyson reveres Fenech, and the thought was that he would not disappoint his idol. Wrong. Even Fenech could not get Tyson to do more than some mitt work. No running, no serious effort to condition his body. The only way things are different would be if Tyson now realizes he will be impoverished the rest of his life if he doesn’t not commit to a training regimen and score a nice couple of wins…
ICE…Marian Gaborik is expected to play for the New York Rangers tonight. Gaborik battled groin problems throughout the Olympics but pronounced himself fit to start against Washington after practice yesterday…the Carolina Panthers, home to the lauded Can Ward, believe they have another find in goalie Justin Peters. The rookie is unbeaten in three starts while playing for a lousy team…Canadian Olympians, including millionaire hockey players, were awarded 20,000 dollars for winning a gold medal. Roberto Luongo has given his reward to charity…the St Louis Blues have racked up five straight wins. Goalie Chris Mason has played all five games and surrendered a measly nine goals. The Blues are inching closer to a spot in the post season, a development that will justify their decision to hang on to their veterans at the trading deadline…trouble in Big D? After being pulled on Thursday, Stars goalie Marty Turco went to the locker room and refused to take a spot on the bench. This is a marriage that is unraveling quickly. Turco will bolt the team upon the season’s end…
PONIES…the Grade 1 Santa Anita Handicap goes today from Santa Anita with an 8.02 pm EST post time. The favourite is the five year old mare St Trinians with Loup Breton installed as the second choice. It’s the Big ‘Cap, take the mare on top (she demolished Life Is Sweet in her last and is unbeaten stateside) and look for a price on the bottom…Blind Luck will contest the Santa Anita Oaks earlier on the card. She’ll be odds-on and looks like a slam dunk…
MEDIA…a poll of sports fans in England, Germany and Italy found, not surprisingly, soccer was their favourite sport. The runner-up? Formula 1 racing was second in all three countries…Ian Halperin, on his site ianundercover, is claiming Marie Osmond’s son committed suicide because of a longstanding conflict between his church and his homosexuality. It’s heartbreaking stuff. The Mormon church places sexual deviancy just a step below murder and offers “rehab” classes for anyone prowling outside of the heterosexual boundaries…why does anyone, pastor, priest or otherwise, who obsesses over someone elses sexuality almost always have a closet full of their own issues? Hasn’t a clear pattern emerged? The U S Senator who engages in the most passionate “fag” bashing invariably spends his weekends crouched in public toilets. We are conditioned to have a passionate concern about our own sexuality. What you do in your bedroom or, umm, on your kitchen table, is your concern. Yes, I see your rope burns and singed eyebrows, but I don’t care. Bang away, babies! The Mormons would be well advised to remember the greatest commandment of Jesus Christ; love your neighbour with all your heart. Even if he does smell of vaseline and candle wax…
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