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I can’t believe it/I must be dreaming…This is a freakshow.

                                                               - The Cure

PUG LIFE…the website Ringside Report is claiming extensive planning has begun on Mike Tyson’s return to the ring. The venture will be guided by Don King and envisions, before the end of this year, a third Tyson - Holyfield fight. Iron Mike lost three of his last four bouts and last fought in June of 2005. The 43 year olds last efforts in the ring were disgraceful and, further, it is well known in boxing circles that he has refused to properly condition himself for years. The former undisputed champion has been washed up for a long time now and his last really impressive performance is about 19 years in the rear-view mirror. Life as a citizen slammed certain economic realities to the forefront and it may be impossible for Tyson to turn down an offer of millions.  This will be another freakshow, one particularly damaging if he again refuses to get into shape. Will it happen? Are you kidding? With the division in shambles and not a single credible American heavyweight, Tyson will initially appear to fill a void. The feeling won’t last long. By the end of his tenure as a prizefighter Tyson had little more than a journeyman’s skills. He threw one punch at a time and was easy to hit. He would be capable of handling only the most limited foes, and will likely look to capitalize on rivalries or on the selling abilities of his opponent. James Toney? Roy Jones or Bernard Hopkins? George Foreman (kidding, I think)? Nikolai Valuev? A couple of wins and would people buy a David Hayes fight? This is going to be a short, bumpy ride…

ICE…worst   trade   deadline   day   ever. Nuff said…the Philadelphia Flyers will go with Brian Boucher and Michael Leighton en route to an early round playoff exit…San Jose and Chicago stood pat, making no acquisitions yesterday…do the Chicago Blackhawks honestly believe they can win a Stanley Cup with Cristobal Huet? Apparently so…the Calgary Flames, stuffed full with ex Maple Leafs, were shut out by the Minnesota Wild last night….in what world is Matt Stajan a 3.5 million dollar a year player? Ours? The Flames are going to attract allot of heat for vastly overpaying the mediocre forward…the Tampa Bay Lightning were purchased by Oren Koules and Len Barrie two years ago for 208 million dollars. Yesterday the club was sold for 110 million…a rash of off-ice issues are surfacing around new Leaf Luca Caputi. The kid was actually demoted down to the ECHL for discipline problems and has been suspended by his team on at least two occasions. As I said yesterday, the acquisition of this tool demands further explanation from Brian Burke. Is he the next Mark Bell or the new Jason Blake…Bill Watters on AM 640 stated the current Leaf franchise is the least talented he has ever seen…

GRID IRON…Clifton Brown of the Sporting News advises any team serious about winning a title “should not touch” Terrell Owens…the Cleveland Browns are expected to release QB Derek Anderson any day now. The Browns will attempt to find a starter elsewhere; the release of Anderson is in no way an endorsement of pretty boy Brady Quinn…this is getting crazy; ProFootballTalk is reporting the St Louis Rams will use the first pick in the second round to pry Donovan McNabb away from the Philadelphia Eagles. The 33 year old McNabb must be mortified at the thought of being “Bulgered” (being rendered an only semi-functioning human being, named after ex QB Marc Bulger) as the pivot on the moribund squad. The Rams would be well advised to use the pick to address other long term needs…

MEDIA…what do you get when you put two insufferable pricks in a room together? Watch the Jay Leno show tonight with guest Brett Favre to find out…Professor Jeanine Basinger, of Wesleyan College, offers ten sure fire ways to win an Oscar 1) Play a famous person 2) be mentally/physically  disabled 3) speak with a funny accent 4) be old 5) be gay or transgendered 6) get fat, go ugly 7) be a monster  experience the Civil War or the Holocaust 9) play the piano 10) die. The Prof also suggests women play either a hooker or a nun without makeup. And, of course, never go full retard…