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I was battling a weird flu slash cold thing for the past few days but did manage to polish off Theo Fleury’s autobiography. The book is the best seller in Canada at the moment, largely due to the well publicized allegations of abuse against former coach Graham James. Fleury deals with the abuse in a straightforward and honest manner, and leaves absolutely no doubt that James should be tossed into the deepest recesses of hell.

But the book is so much more than a recitation of those horrors. Instead Fleury recounts possibly the greatest orgy of booze, drugs and broads this side of Mick Jagger, all the while simultaneously crafting a Hall of Fame career. Fleury is loaded or high virtually every moment he is off the ice, and a few times on the ice. He tends to go straight from bars and clubs to practice and is continuously amazed that no one seems to notice. The stories are hilarious and astonishing and provide an insight into professional sports that is unprecedented. This ain’t no Stephen Brunt dissertation, homies! The language is vulgar and raunchy, the tales outrageous and debauched. One of my favourites concerns Michael Nylander, a talented centre on a skills challenged Calgary Flames squad. Nylander was forced to fight at virtually every practice by a series of goons employed by the team who are embarrassed by his slick moves. Instead of banning the behaviour the coach, one of the Sutters, cheers the fights on, hollering, “That’s Calgary Flame hockey!” How Nylander survived is a mystery.

In the minor leagues Fleury encounters pot smoking veterans and a goalie nicknamed “shaky” because of the physical effects of going even a few hours without booze (the rookies on the team are responsible for lighting his cigarette for between period smokes - probably ended up a Leaf). As Fleury’s reputation grows he becomes a pied piper of sorts, leading other players into his world of peeler bars and illegal behaviour. In an Atlanta strip club one night Fleury runs up a tab of thirty grand (the 30k shows up on his credit card as a “car washing” service – his wife is not amused, or fooled). In New York, Glen Sather realizes the cost of a Fleury on your team is far greater than any financial obligation. Fleury is eventually drummed out of the NHL while still in his prime and he ends up playing on a Native Men’s senior team featuring Gino Odjick, of all people. The team, a collection of alcoholic brawlers, terrorizes opposition while winning 79 of 84 games.

Fleury eventually sobers up, pens regrets concerning his “selfish” behaviour and promises to be a model citizen. I’m not sure he’ll make it. The essence of Fleury seems to reside in the demented wilds of conspicuous excess. Always too small, Fleury used an innate sense of anger and ambition to fuel one of the most successful careers in the history of the National Hockey League. Can he just turn off those internal combustions? Read the book and make up your own mind. I say Rock On, Theo, a true original and a rabble- rouser of the highest order.

GRID IRON..the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New England Patriots, combined, have lost seven of their last eight games. The two squads have small fortunes wagered on their Superbowl prospects but neither team seems capable of finding anything close to Championship form. The Steelers have had fourth quarter leads in five of the six games they have lost this season. The Pats, in turn, can’t muster any kind of pressure on opposition QB’s…a number of teams produced desperately disappointing efforts yesterday. Houston went to pieces when Rex Grossman stepped in for Matt Schaub, Tennessee botched a first and goal on the Indy one yard line, San Francisco seemed oblivious to the need to bolster their playoff pretensions. Is it out of line to suggest squares are viewing an Indy – New Orleans Superbowl as an inevitability? I plan to wager against both clubs in the early days of 2010…Josh “The Milkshake Man” Freeman continues to lead the Tampa Bay Buccaneers into oblivion, tossing a mind numbing five interceptions against the Carolina Panthers…Adrian Peterson gained an anaemic 19 yards on 13 carries against Arizona. The Cardinals seem to do show just enough to suggest a return to their brilliant post season play of 2009 is not entirely outside the realm of possibility…

ICE..goalie Ray Emery is turning into a sieve in Philadelphia. The Flyers are bickering and, as usual, their troubles begin in front of the twine. Emery has allowed over four goals in four of his last five starts…New York Islander netminder Rick DiPietro played his first game in over a year last night. DiPietro, an exceptionally talented left hander, is down in the AHL, but that didn’t prevent Islanders owner Charles Wang and GM Garth Snow from travelling to the game to watch him play. DiPietro stopped 10 of 13 shots during the course of two periods of action …

PUG LIFE..too funny; Bernard Hopkins, commenting on Roy Jones loss to Danny Green, voiced his opinion that the fight was stopped too soon. “That’s why”, the genius stated, “I’ll never fight in Europe”. The fight was in Australia…interesting weekend in the squared circle. In England, Amir Khan was emphatic with a first round knockout of the previously unbeaten New Yorker Dmitiry Salita. Khan has always had an impressive, stylish appearance, but he appears to be improving by leaps and bounds under the tutelage of trainer Freddie Roach. Rumours have HBO setting up a junior welterweight tournament with Khan the centrepiece. He is a dazzling fighter, thoroughly enjoyable to watch. The weakness, however, may be his chin. The wunderkind has one defeat on his ledger, and that was via a one round spill…Paul Williams eked out a win over Sergio Martinez on a high profile HBO card. Williams tasted the canvas in the first but used heavy volume to overcome his determined adversary. Williams is desperate to get a high profile fight but the big “names” want nothing to do with the Thomas Hearns clone. Ironically, the closeness of Saturday’s fight may entice a Kelly Pavlik to take a shot at the seemingly vulnerable “Destroyer”… ESPN’s Dan Rafael had me choking on my cornflakes this morning; he speculates Oscar De La Hoya will return to the ring to battle Ricky Hatton if the Englishman disposes of Juan Manuel Marquez next summer. Ugh. Thankfully, I can’t see Hatton winning that fight…fat bastard Chris Arreola weighed in at a career high 263 pounds before dusting pug Brian Minto in the fourth round Saturday. Lard ass excused himself, noting, “When I train, I get hungry”…

PONIES.. the Queen’s Plate, a day out I highly recommend to any Torontonian, will be staged on July 4^th next year. It may have been moved back a week to entice Queen Elizabeth to attend. What the heck, if she shows up the women will be dressed to the nines, leading to a very glamorous day in the Big Smoke. The lads I attend with may have to press their baseball caps and t-shirts…