Friday, July 17th, 2009...12:36 pm
The Devil Has Leafs TV and Jeremy Mayfield Would Like to Personally Threaten Your Well Being
Don’t know if you saw this. In ESPN columnist Bill Simmons recent Mailbag feature a reader requests a team from each major league that fans would be forced to watch, in perpetuity, in “hell”. From the NHL? Simmons opts for the Toronto Maple Leafs…a reader also asks Simmons - if Michael Jackson had burst from his coffin at the end of the recent memorial and commenced singing “Thriller”, would it have been the greatest moment in television history? The reply is “a hundred times, yes!”…my way of saying, definitely, you should be reading Simmons as often as possible. He’s the sharpest and funniest writer in sports today…delighted to read Leaf mid week games will start at 7pm for the upcoming season…NASCAR’s token junkie Jeremy Mayfield has lashed out at his many critics. The disgraced driver announced his detective work, conducted while he was blitzed on crank, lead him to conclude that his step mom killed his father. She is, besides a being a murderer, also a “whore”. He has deduced that NASCAR chief executive Bill France is either on drugs or is a drunk. He has, while cooking up a fresh batch of meth, realized that NASCAR is “out to get him”. Jeremy, as his next activity, plans to break into your house and eat your dog…the Minnesota Viking defence has been ranked number one against the run for three years in a row. This team is so close to a breakthrough it’s hard not to envision Brett Favre salivating at the chance to take the helm. ESPN analyst Mike Golic stresses that the Vikings, as a run first team, are perfect for the aging pivot. Favre won’t be called on to throw forty times a game, nor will his arm be the key component of the offense…I don’t know how people can watch the CFL. I really don’t. But, then again, I’m up at 7am on weekends watching hurling and gaelic football, so each to their own…Manchester United fans are being far too pessimistic in the wake of the teams sale of Cristian Ronaldo. This is still a supremely talented and confident collection of players. The prospect of a healthy Owen Hargreaves patrolling the midfield must entice even the cynic while Michael Owen is sure to return to form while surrounded by elite talent. The key, however, is going to be the growth in the leadership skills of the incomparable Wayne Rooney. The storied franchise is clearly in his hands now, and I look for the young man to thrive as the unchallenged chief of the squad…was finally was able to sit down and score the Miguel Cotto-Joshua Clottey fight. Peculiarly, my impression from watching the action was that Cotto had won, but when I tabulated the round by round scores I had it 115-114 for Clottey. Unfortunately, this represents the second (see Shane Mosley) questionable decision given to the Puerto Rican. The realization is developing that Cotto is going to be a solid, decent performer but not an all-time great. The Manny Pacquiao camp senses an opportunity to knock off the top rated welterweight, pending Floyd’s comeback, and it appears they may be acting in a shrewd fashion. Cotto doesn’t have the spark, that oomph, necessary to hang with the explosive Filipino. My move is going to be on the PacMan and I’ll be predicting a bloody stoppage…it’s been revealed that Arturo Gatti met his wife Amanda Rodrigues at Scores strip club in New York. Friends reportedly begged Gatti not to marry the volatile woman (who would often scream “I’m going to kill you” in the middle of their many fights). Police have revealed that Gatti was intoxicated to the point of incapacitation on the night he was killed…nice to wake up and realize, hey, O J’s still rotting in jail…Showtime has created a six fighter round robin tournament to determine the best pugilist in the super-middleweight division. It’s a brilliant and exciting idea. Those gathered represent the best of the division with Arthur Abraham moving up from middleweight to add some gravitas. My pick for the tourney will come into sharp focus after the initial match between Mikkel Kessler and Andre Ward. Bizarrely, the first fight features, in my opinion, the two favourites. Other contestants include Andre Dirrell, Jermain Taylor and Carl Froch. The hapless Taylor will likely serve as the group’s punching bag while I think Froch will be exposed as a notch below the elite…
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