Friday, April 17th, 2009...2:45 pm

Can You Promise I Never Have to Hear That Dumb Fat Bastard Call A Football Game Again?

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The best NHL player no one talks about? I nominate John Madden of the New Jersey Devils. The centre smothered Eric Staal Wednesday night, limiting the Carolina Hurricane leader to two harmless shots on goal. Madden is paired with vets Brendan Shanahan and Jay Pandolfo on a line that is going to be murder on opponents top scoring lines…third line centre Jordan Staal won eleven of fourteen face-offs for the Pittsburgh Penguins in their series opening win over the Philadelphia Flyers. The slow-to-develop centre assisted on the game winning goal and looks to be a real factor in the recent Penguin surge…the Calgary Flames, a real “wiseguy” pick to win the Cup as recently as six weeks ago, have sputtered in the crucial man advantage situation. The Flames have gone forty six straight power plays without getting a goal… 41 year old Mark Recchi very quietly amassed 16 points in eighteen games after joining the Boston Bruins at the trade deadline. Rotoworld reports the veteran is playing on the Bruins top power play unit and is viewed as integral to their Cup run…Evengi Nabokov faced only seventeen shots from the Anaheim Ducks last night. He gave up two goals in their loss- and we thought Chris Osgood was the goalie on the hot seat…Osgood, by the way, was rock solid stopping twenty of twenty one Columbus Blue Jacket shots…Carey Price is a puny 5-7 win-loss while backstopping the Montreal Canadiens in the post season. They prayed for Patrick Roy but they’re getting Steve Penny…Chicago Bear quarterback Jay Cutler has never missed a start in either college or the NFL. He has his own “iron man” streak going and it is an interesting contrast to the cry-baby tagline ascribed to him since the dust up with the Broncos…horse racing chat; it is clear that the casual bettor enjoys taking a stab at the big payoffs promised by triactors or Pick 3’s and 4’s. The hard work of many bloggers is carefully outlining the deleterious effects of the enormous takeout on these casual race goers. With the slice of the pot removed before payouts now in excess of 25%, the money pool cannot generate the churn necessary to hook novices and entice them to play the ponies. Egregious takeout rates are in stark contrast to the minimal stipends demanded through massively popular poker sites. The horse racing industry seems stupefied in the face of these new challenges. It is clear that takeout rates must be reduced or the sport will continue a slow swirl down the drain…Manny Pacquiao trainer Freddie Roach revealed a fascinating bit of info in a recent interview. As he approached Oscar De La Hoya in the ring seconds before the PacMan fight commenced, Roach reportedly viewed fresh IV track marks on the Golden Boys arms. The implications were clear and staggering to Roach; Oscar had been so “dry” attempting to make the 147 weight that his camp had to intravenously add fluids to his depleted system. The trainer immediately changed strategy and told Manny to pressure De La Hoya from the outset to take advantage of his weakened state… Hud Mellencamp won an Indiana Golden Gloves title yesterday. The fourteen ear old is the son of rock star John Cougar Mellencamp…Las Vegas odds currently hold I Want Revenge as the 4-1 favourite for the May 2nd Kentucky Derby. Dunkirk is taking steady cash and is currently second choice at 6-1…look, I’m not going to be a hypocrite. John Madden was a disaster in the TV booth, a bombastic, tedious boor. He ruined so many games with his blubbering stupidity that I marvel how he survived. I pray the day will come when American broadcasters present themselves with the professionalism and intelligence of the BBC or the RTE. It’s not a crime to be smart, right? It’s not too much to ask that commentators possess wisdom and intimate knowledge of their sport, right? So why does a TV viewing session on this side of the pond often leave one with a pounding headache and creeping nausea…my best nights watching Monday Night Football were, indisputably, the one’s graced by the presence of Dennis Miller. But the dumb guys objected and, in American sports, the dumb guys win, right?..

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