Thursday, January 29th, 2009...2:40 pm

Seldom Vows To Give Canucks “The Best Damn Off Season Possible”

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Mats Seldom is providing the leadership and charisma desperately needed by the Vancouver Canucks. The west coast franchise has one hard earned win in Seldom’s eight starts while the ex Leaf cruises to an inspiring three points and a stoic minus five rating. Go get ‘em, Mats! The ten million dollar man went to Whistler with his significant other during the all star break instead of, y’know, working out under the guidance of Canuck staff at GM Place. Mats apparently needed a vacation after enduring a gruelling schedule since his debut on January 7th…the heroic forward is missing crucial ingredients that keyed his success in Toronto. His brain dead acolytes! His media toadies! Small children and impaired rodents! Mats has never cared, has never put out a sustained effort, has never been a leader, has always been about the money, has always been about Mats…Seldom brings his Vancouver Canucks to Toronto to face the Maple Leafs on Feb 21st. Of course he’ll get a rousing standing ovation, prompted by the members of the above coalition…ESPN hockey power ratings have the Toronto Maple Leafs now ranked 29th, ahead only of the lowly New York Islanders. As both teams begin to shed players, the Islanders will almost certainly trade Bill Guerin and Doug Weight while the Leafs will likely drop Tomas Kaberle and Nick Antropov, the rush to the bottom and a prized position in the John Tavares Derby is going to become all consuming…Boston and San Jose are tied at the top of the NHL with 75 points. The Detroit Red Wings are, as they say, lurking in the long grass, a mere six points off the pace…tad ominous; Pittsburgh Steeler receiver Hines Ward did not practice with the team on Wednesday. The last full practice for the Superbowl favourites is today, and news of Wards capabilities will be eagerly anticipated…Tony Dungy, ex coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Indianapolis Colts, is a guest on David Letterman tonight…The St Paul Pioneer Press speculates that Brett Favre could be headed to the Minnesota Vikings. I can see the appeal for Favre as the deadly defence in Minny could be an enormous asset for the increasingly erratic QB. The Vikings are a potential breakout team next year…Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro died two years ago today. The colt was hurt in the Preakness and never raced again, ultimately succumbing to his injuries. Can you imagine, with all the mainstream media attention paid to the horse, that a mystery or question still remains? Well try this; before the race the animal broke through the starting gate. This is an occurrence horseplayers in the Big Smoke are used to seeing maybe a dozen times a year. The force and torque required to burst through the metal enclosure is intense and violent. So, as a matter of course, the animal is checked and observed before reloading. On the fateful afternoon of Barbaro’s incident I can state truthfully and emphatically that I have never seen a runner so quickly put back in the box. There was only the most cursory examination of the thoroughbred. Now, the pressures of the moment were excruciating, with a national television audience, a thronged grandstand, and the pomposity of a treasured annual occasion. Those pressures translated into a piss poor check of the three year old. Within strides of the start the animal was in pain and staggering. Over the course of the next few hours, then days, then weeks and months, as a halo surrounded Barbaro and a myth took hold, it became verboten to ask the most pertinent question; did Barbaro injure himself in the initial incident at the gate? Should the animal have been permitted to start? Did the prospect of the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed in 1978 impair the judgement of stakeholders?…David Beckham proclaims playing in Italy is “the dream of every footballer” and now angles for a lingering stay on the boot. Nice. Something you failed to mention to the Los Angeles Galaxy while taking their millions and becoming a poster boy for the NASL…riddle me this; if you were the most powerful promoters in boxing, and one of your prime properties was engaged in illegal doping, which in fact lead to a career best performance, and you needed to take the heat off in the fastest manner possible, would a trumped up charge against his opponent that night, say the use of “plaster” on his ring wraps, accomplish that task? Apparently, yes it would…urine and blood test results Shane, y’old juiced up scoundrel…McDonalds has, in a cost cutting measure, decided to put only one slice of cheese on their double cheeseburgers, instead of the traditional two. The double cheeseburger accounts for 40% of the income derived from their Value Menu, and 17% of their revenue overall. Well, I just thought you’d be interested…

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